5 Tips for Gaining an Edge in Cross-cultural Business Discussions

By: Elisaveta Wrangell
22 November 2020

First, a Quick Self-interrogation

You may already do business with people from other countries or cultures, or you're planning to, or you think it's a great idea but suspect that your cross-cultural communication skills need an upgrade.

Ask yourself some questions regarding how you feel about interacting with people from other cultures (no one will be grading you):

• Do you think someone should adapt to your culture's way of doing things?
• On a scale of 1 to 10, how culturally sensitive do you consider yourself?
• How quickly or slowly do you like to “get down to business”?
• How good are you at asking questions—and at listening to the answers?
• What kinds of questions do you typically ask?

Assumptions and Values in a Cross-cultural Context

Good communication is at the heart of every successful discussion, whether it be personal, social, or business-related. Successful communicators work on their communications skills regularly. It's like training for anything you want to excel at, physically or mentally.

When more than one culture is involved in business discussions, formal negotiations, or even simple discussions or conversations, this adds further hurdles to engaging in a productive exchange and achieving a satisfactory outcome, whether that is a binding contract or plain old mutual good feelings.

Why?

Because assumptions and values differ from culture to culture. They even differ a lot within a single culture, as you may have already noticed in your own. Yet we don't necessarily call our own assumptions and values into question, or think about other people's, any more than we think about breathing. Yet both are highly personal—and influential, sometimes surreptitiously so.

What constitutes values and assumptions is vast: how someone should ask a favor (or acknowledge if you've complied), whether it's OK to text during a meeting, how to discuss finances, or how to discipline your kids are only a few meager examples.

Have you ever noticed that you can get somewhat (or even greatly) irritated if someone intentionally or unintentionally disagrees with your core preferences?

Even interactions with someone from our own culture can end up in a misunderstanding when neither of us has intended any harm. Add one or more new cultures to the mix, and communication can become a labyrinth charged with booby traps.

However, you can definitely stack the odds in your favor when it matters by following some basic intercultural communication principles.

1 Research the Cultures You'll Be Dealing With

If the outcome of the discussion or relationship is important to you, then you need to do your homework on the cultures you'll be in contact with. It's really not optional.

You can start by doing an Internet search on it. Then ask around. Someone you know or someone a friend, colleague, or family member knows will likely have some firsthand experience with the culture or cultures in question. Join a forum. Find out what's really important to understand about the cultures of the people you'll be meeting and doing business with.

And remember that there will be at least as many nuances and major differences in any other culture as there are in your own. So what you learn will help you a lot, but it won't cover everything by any stretch of the imagination. For a fascinating look at some broad cultural differences around the world, check out the Lewis Model.

If you interact with people from multiple and varied cultures on a regular basis, your best tack is to suspend judgment and to become an excellent listener and observer. These come more naturally to some people than to others, so you may have to work at it. But it's worth it!

2 Realize that Everyone Does Not Share Your Values

All of us have certain expectations with regard to what constitutes upright or acceptable behavior. This is more the case for some of us than for others, but to some degree, we all share this trait.

The more limited your experience is with being the “outsider” in other cultures, the more likely you are to expect others to share your world view, values, and expectations.

Cultural differences are innumerable and range from minor to considerable. When I first travelled to France, someone might ask me if I'd like some coffee or another serving of something, and I'd answer “Merci!” Thank you! Meaning Yes, I'd love some. Yet in France, if you say Thank you after someone has offered you something, you've just said No, thank you. My first and automatic thought at a young age was That's weird. I was caught in my own culture bubble.

I was also made fun of by my friends for how much I said Thank you after someone did something for me. Many cultures, including the French, may not thank someone at all for what is perceived as a simple gesture of common courtesy, while Americans tend to say Thank you multiple times for even minor things. Apparently the English do this as well.

I cannot count the number of times in my career I have heard someone say “Well in America (France, Sweden, Brazil, Algeria...), we do it this way (...we don't do that, ...we think that's rude, ...that's totally legal). Deep down, most of us think How We Do It is somehow right, which may be true for us, but it's good to check out how things are done where the people you want to do business with come from if you want to build a viable and fruitful relationship.

3 Be Ready to Acknowledge Your Mistakes

I learned a valuable lesson early on. When I first started out as a teacher at the University of California, one session at least half my class was Thai. Toward the end of the term, after we had gotten to know each other fairly well, one of my Thai students did something endearingly funny, and I laughed and put my hand on her head as I passed by her desk.

The look of horror I received immediately informed me I had done something unspeakable. I apologized energetically on the spot but also asked what I had done. I learned that the head is considered sacred in Thailand—and in many Asian and Buddhist cultures, as I discovered subsequently. Thankfully, there was no ill will in that instance, but it serves as a constant reminder to me about how easy it is to commit cultural faux pas.

If we wrong someone or assault someone's sensibilities somehow—especially if unintentionally—we sometimes blame the other person. Perhaps because we are embarrassed, perhaps because we judge him or her to be unreasonable or oversensitive, or any number of other reasons.

Any resentment will invariably come across via your body language, tone of voice, facial expression, or overall attitude, and any one of these is pretty much guaranteed to foster bad or at the very least awkward relations.

You can achieve more by taking a deep breath, acknowledging that you may be part of the problem, and attempting to understand the underlying issues in play, no matter how challenging that may be.

4 Watch Out for Hand Gestures and Conversation Openers

We speak with our hands, and they count as another minefield. Rock fans, keep those devil horns to yourselves if you're traveling around the Mediterranean. To men you'll be implying that they are being cheated on.

All of us, no matter what our culture, transmit and interpret uncountable signals that have nothing to do with what our words are actually saying.

Have you ever made a comment to someone and received raised eyebrows as your response? (I'm guessing yes.)

What did the raised eyebrows mean?

• “What? Sorry, I didn't understand...”
• “I have my doubts about that.”
• “Why would you would be telling me such a thing??”
• “I disapprove of that!”
• “I'm so happy!!” (though this one will most likely be accompanied by a smile)
• “Wow, you're hot, and I'm really interested in you.”
• “Seriously??”

Yet Greeks and Turks will raise their eyebrows when they are indicating No. The Chinese will raise their eyebrows to express disagreement. And Germans will raise their eyebrows to signal that the other person is clever.

And what about icebreakers? Not long ago in France (pre-pandemic), I was co-leading a workshop, and I brought up icebreakers and cultural taboos. I mentioned that in the United States, people tend to ask “what someone does” (as in for a living) as the most banal of icebreakers. The room erupted in laughter. In France and many other cultures, you wouldn't ask this question until at least some intimacy had been established in your relationship. Ditto questions about family.

However, many of us would be hard pressed to understand why we were being frozen out after asking such questions. We might even take the other person to be a snob or a misanthrope, never guessing that we ourselves had committed a blunder in the eyes of the culture we were dealing with.

A good rule of thumb is to check out acceptable topics of discussion in the target culture or cultures first, which can really help smooth the way into a more meaningful discussion.

5 Adopt a Little Humility

Fellow native English speakers, this especially applies to us. According to this 2016 piece from the BBC, we English speakers don't receive high marks in communication from the other cultures of the world.

Among other things, we don't bother to enunciate for non-native speakers yet take for granted that they've understood. Peppering your speech with “Doncha,” “Wudja,” “Arncha,” “Gonna,” and company (Don't you, Would you, Aren't you, Going to, etc.) may well derail your listener for some time!

We also assume others will understand our slang, acronyms, initialisms, and cultural references; and we tend to take over discussions. All of these transgressions can have serious outcomes, from bad relations to impressive financial losses.

Non-native speakers of English, according to the article, try to imagine in advance what might be confusing for other non-native speakers, and they pay extra attention to ensuring that everyone involved is on the same page.

* * *

Whether we like it or not, we all—across cultures—consider certain types of conversation and behavior to be correct and good and other types to be inappropriate or downright reprehensible. This can and does affect how we feel about someone.

While there are certainly cases of good relationships that start out badly, the majority of meaningful relationships, personal and professional, begin with a mutually enjoyable conversation. Which is followed up with another one. Eventually, we are able to demonstrate to each other important aspects of our character through our behavior. It's how we decide whether to establish a deeper relationship with someone.

While you can't determine in advance the outcome of any relationship, you can give yourself a leg up in your intercultural relationships by demonstrating from the outset a certain level of good will and sensitivity for others' cultures.